Authenticity???

Authenticity has been the buzz word for me lately. What does it mean to be authentic? Do you know? I mean really know??

The meaning is changing for me as I grow and evolve. In my young adult life, I experienced many of my peers put on the facade in hopes of being popular or part of the crowd which, isn’t unusaul at that time in our lives. I tried to do the fake thing but, I’m not a very good actor.  So, early on I knew I couldn’t take on a character and the best thing for me was to be myself.  So, I did my best to be “me” while still trying to fit in.  All this time, I thought that I was being authentic; just being who I am, like it or not kinda thing.  As I got older, I worried less about people liking or accepting me, as most of us do.  I thought I was being authentic but, now I see, I really wasn’t.  I wasn’t purposely faking it but, I wasn’t being the true me, hindsight is 20/20.

You see when you have protective barriers built up all around you and your heart is in a box, the authentic you cannot emerge. Only the smidgens of me that felt safe could sneak by the armor.  When you suffer trauma in uterine or as a baby, all you know is protection and guardedness. You are not even aware of it.  You are living in response to your early experiences and programming which, most likely don’t encourage you to live your true authentic self.  You learn to shut dow and become guarded, in order to fit in to the family unit.  So often, in order to gain acceptance you close something down about yourself.  Now, I can say this truly was my experience. This protective state was all I knew. but, I didn’t know it.

So now, I find myself saying Who am I? Who am I, truly?  Often I know who I am, I feel myself in the flow particularly, when I am working in the healing arts. That does feel like the authentic me. I also feel safe in this environment yet, I sense there is more of me to emerge.  However, in my daily life I find myself running my program, in what I do and how I respond, to life. I now know this isn’t my trueself.  Who am I when I let my guard down and act or respond spontaneously and not from my protection. I don’t know the answer because I don’t have a reference point in this current lifetime. All that is required though, is to allow my trueself to emerge and to experience it.  I can’t just think it or imagine it.

The more awareness I bring to the false charecter, the more I can let it go. Then I begin to feel pieces of me wanting to surface. As I write this I got this overwhelming feeling of wanting to know all of me. Letting all the pieces surface. Every moment is an opportunity to meet my trueself. I want to unwrap the layers, disintegrate the box and fully flourish in this lifetime. I want you all to join me.

I am not the facade I built to protect myself from my own fears, traumas or an outside desire of fulfillment, created by the ego.  All I need is to remember I am all that I desire in this life. Source is whole and complete, so am I and so are you.  What is authenticty to me?   It is freely expressing myself as the divine within, allowing source to expand from within me filling me up and out into the world. I will continue to strip away the facade so that I may freely Be, express and create.

See you there!